Thinking of lost ones this Christmas

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Christmas time isn’t always as joyful as it sounds.  For some, it can be an extremely difficult time, especially if they have lost a loved one.  And especially if it is a child.  Unfortunately, after the loss of my beautiful nephew J, Christmas is always missing something special.  And it can be a harsh reminder that he really isn’t here, to join in with our celebrations, receive gifts, experience a nativity or feel that excitement on Christmas Eve.  It leaves an empty hole right in your heart that will never ever be filled.

Yes, I have my own children.  But he still is my nephew and I have a place for each and every one of my nieces and nephews along side my own children in my heart.  So when times  are so joyous, that are so happy and overwhelmingly fantastic, it can sometimes be a trigger to miss that person even more.

One thing I have learnt over the years is the importance of acknowledging J within our Christmas celebrations.  We all have a christmas decoration on our tree that has his name on it.  We always donate to charity in memory of him.  And we always ALWAYS talk about him.  For my sister especially, it can be hard for her to receive Christmas Cards that have no mention of him.  I understand  that people do not know what to do for the best when it comes to mentioning him in cards, texts or messages around this time of year.  But I know it is much appreciated if he can be acknowledged within these messages.  Even if its a note to say

‘Thinking of those we miss and love’

‘Thinking of you’

‘….(name)….Always in our thoughts’

‘We always remember …(name)… at this time of year’

or simply including their name.  J was in our lives for four and a half years.  Thats a heck of a long time and it can feel strange when there is no mention of him.  Everyone deals with grief and loss differently, I understand that.  And I certainly do not want this post to be about attacking people who have not or do not do this.  I simply want to raise awareness of ways in which this acknowledgement can be done.  Having been on the receiving end of it, alongside my sister, I know how we all can feel and react.  And for us as a family that has lost a child, it really is important to know that others are also thinking of our loss too.  Nothing can feel much worse knowing that the people who surround you are forgetting.   I understand that people do not know how to address or express their feelings.  But writing it down is sometimes a lot easier to say, and it really is forever appreciated.

Thanks for reading xxx

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